


and their soul fainted within them

by iskra (kiira)



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Gen, abuse cw, suicide cw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 15:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2657600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiira/pseuds/iskra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you are lost, you are oh so lost</p>
            </blockquote>





	and their soul fainted within them

There is a memory of horror in the way that Laura tightens the ropes around your wrists before she falls asleep, and you know concretely that she does not know that you are no stranger to the broken burns of rope and starvation. She is sorry, you know, she cannot meet your eyes and her knots are looser than they should be.

A distant, younger, stronger part of you could slip them.

(This part of you feels that maybe you deserve this.)

//

Your story sticks in your throat, for when you say Elle you can no longer remember how her face moved; you are stuck with blood and the way her fingers scrabbled at your skirt as Mother took.

Laura’s hand is on your thigh and she breathes, “I had no idea, I’m so sorry,” and you do not know if she’s apologizing for the puppet show or the ropes or the centuries of death.

Her fingers shake as she unties the knots; she kneels before you like a prayer and your breathing is ragged for somehow you have reached a kind of safety and you do not know how to embrace it.

Laura asks permission before she holds you, and _oh_! this is how.

//

There is a collapsing inside yourself when Mother is there; a buzzing buzzing buzzing and you want nothing more than to hide, for Laura is a somehow safety and Mother is a corruption.

(Your breath catches in your throat and you forget how to make your dead lungs inflate.)

And she knows how to twist you, her touch reminds you that you are an unholy thing; (you are a child and you are lost, you are oh so lost.)

//

Laura tells you to go hide and you want to scream, but you can’t. Mother took your voice with Laura’s body, took your tongue and heart and soul and she took your body too. Perry is brandishing a stake at you and you wonder in a detached, yearning way how hard you would have to fall to pierce your skin.

But it’s easier to turn and leave (you cannot say a word with your stolen tongue; Laura cannot look at you.)

You are missing as you leave the room; you do not know how to make your body yours.

(You are Carmilla; you are everyone else’s.)

**Author's Note:**

> (carmilla's reaction to her mother is based on personal experience, i do not know if that is how all people react, all reactions are valid)  
> i'm writing a lot lately, it's weird


End file.
